Saturday, December 24, 2011

Holy carp! A fish

I hate grapes. I love the flavor of them. In fact, they're probably my favorite fruit. But those little turds are the sneakiest little devils. Yeah, they're great while they're on the stem thingy, but you pull those wicked little connivers off of the cluster for one second, and they turn brown and shrivel up. Then, they're these half juicy little scumbags, and you inevitably drop one or a whole crapton of them on the floor.

And then you step on one.

I went to this Halloween thing when I was little where they peeled grapes and you thought they were eyeballs. That's kinda what stepping on one of those little gremlins is like. It squishes like some sort of demon possessed optical organ. And then there's pulped grape all over the floor, and you're like. "This is grosser than Sarah Jessica Parker." so you go to get a towel to clean it up, but you don't have any, so you have to find like some sock you really dislike (or some underwear if you're really unlucky) and mop up the pulped grape, along with the vomit you violently expelled after thinking you had dragon stomped a human eye.

I hate grapes.

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